I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Come on in and take your pants off
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