I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just invented taco cereal.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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