I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
