My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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