just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
