I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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