Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
