i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
