so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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