I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
