I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
