mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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