Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
