Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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