dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
