Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
