but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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