I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize