I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
