he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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