WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
