break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
