Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
