You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
