I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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