dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
