One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You've changed since you got that strap on
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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