chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize