We need to rekindle our bromance
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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