So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
