My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
