So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
