I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize