We won't sleep together?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
