He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just googled if crying burns calories
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
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