so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
