Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Holy sore nipples Batman
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
