$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
how drunk are you?
Several
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
