somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
