So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
