i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
