Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
