Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
