make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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