he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
