I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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