just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
