And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
