Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize