Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
