Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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