eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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