u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I will pee on everything he values.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
