I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize