If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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