Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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