Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
