weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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