he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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