I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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