I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
