Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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