Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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