im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
