i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
