it was like his penis was on wheels.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
