when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
