i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize