and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
