I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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