i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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