the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize