i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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