I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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