Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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