My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
