This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
