is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
