drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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