my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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