the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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