My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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