dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize