So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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