I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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