Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
