My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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