So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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