she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
