No stitches, just platelets and will power
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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