I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize