she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she looked like the before picture.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
