i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
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