I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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