It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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