As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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