I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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