I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
