My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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