just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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